Friday, October 30, 2009

Twilight, we need to talk. You see, I'm in love. With someone else.

So here's the thing, Twilight. You know I'm a sucker for you. I fell in hardcore lust when I first read you, and I fall over and over again when I see a new movie trailer. For me, you're that one relationship I can never really get over, even though I know you're bad for me. Even though "you and me" doesn't make sense. Even though you do things that really piss me off.

Like, for instance, repeating yourself over and over, like I didn't hear you the first time. Or using purple prose like it's going out of style. Or, even worse, watering down my idea of a vampire.

You see, Twilight, you made me forget how scary vampires can be, how unpredictable and thrilling. Yes, they're all beautiful. I get that. We all get that. But vampires are so much more than eye candy. Throw one vampire into the mix, and you have created conflict, tension, suspense, heartache. Throw a second vampire in, who just happens to be the super hot, bad boy brother of the super hot, good-boy-with-a-bad-past vamp, and you've got my new favorite guilty pleasure.

You see, Twilight, I've always liked vampires. But, more than that, I love that edge-of-my-seat rush I get when a show I think will be predictable pulls a 90-degree turn on me. And that's just what the Vampire Diaries has done.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. The Vampire Diaries was super corny when we first met, too. Like almost nerd-in-suspenders corny. (Not to mention that its "VD" abbreviation is kind of icky ...) But I've had a soft spot in my heart for the Vampire Diaries ever since I read the books in the 90s, and, I have to say, I'm falling in love all over again.

You see, Twilight, you're that guy with the stare so intense that your liquid topaz eyes turn me into gravy every time I see you (no matter how much it pisses me off), but the Vampire Diaries is the friend that became something more--the relationship that comforts me and surprises me all at once, that has become something so good that I learned, early on, to stick with it through the rough patches, because I know this love is real.

(Or maybe the guys are just so damn hot that I can't see straight? You be the judge.)

I'm sorry, Twilight. I really am. It's not you, it's me. I just need some time alone, some space. We can still be friends, if you want. And I promise we'll hang out again soon. (It's not like the Vampire Diaries and I are exclusive, or anything ...) As a matter of fact, I have an open spot on my calendar November 20.

Now, come on, Twilight. Don't be like that. You know very well the Vampire Diaries didn't "steal your flava." The Vampire Diaries is old enough to be your dad, or at least your cool older brother. With fangs. And it's never good to piss off someone with fangs. Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?


Tere Kirkland said...


Donna Gambale said...

I second that *snarfle*.

I'm totally full of Vampire Diaries love. And Frankie's snarky recaps make the show even better -- and I'd be saying that even if she weren't one of my critique partners!

Shelli said...

girl I just tweeted about this today: heer was my tweet: "Just to cause a national debate, I personally think Vampire Diaries is better than Twilight - especially the movie/show side. Don't hate me!"

wasnt it awesome!!!

MeganRebekah said...

Urgh... I have not seen any of the VD episodes. I tried to cut back on my TV watching to focus on writing (but it really just freed up more time for reading, but thats okay too). But I loved, loved, loved the books back in the day. This will be a DVD set I'll have to get over the summer to catch up on.
And now that you've called it VD, I'm not going be able to stop referring to it that way. It makes me giggle.

jessjordan said...

Tere: *snarfle* back at ya. :)

Donna: you are so right --Frankie's recap was hilarious!

Shelli: omg, I LOVED it! We should hide out for awhile so none of the twihards stone us :)

Megan: you have to check it out! I don't remember any of the details about the books, so I don't roll my eyes and get all annoyed when they screw something up, which makes it even better for me :)

Christina Lee said...

ooh ooh me too, me too!!! I even have a contest b/w the two vampires on my blog today :):)

Lisa and Laura said...

I'm just glad you let Twilight down easy...

I had to have a similar talk with Twi back when I watched my first episode of True Blood. Vampire Eric vs. Vampire Edward? contest.

jessjordan said...

Christine: I'll definitely have to check that out!

LiLa: I believe in the kind breakup. I mean, really, I DO still want to be friends (with benefits wouldn't suck ...). :) I just started watching True Blood, and I've only seen Eric once now. But I've heard he's kind of bad ass, so I'll probably be with you on that as well. Bill is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Little Ms J said...

I guess I need to get with the program. I shall watch VD immediately. Well, view it. I don't really have to watch for VD anymore. That's why I got married.

Kimberly Derting said...

I only watched the first episode, now I feel like need to give it a second date...I mean, chance.

jessjordan said...

LMJ: comments like these are why I love you.

Kimberly: It's definitely not an at-first-sight kind of love, so a second date wouldn't hurt. And, ya know, maybe a third. :)