As promised, here are the first 200'ish words of my latest WIP. By all means, please leave feedback. Any feedback. Even if you hate it. I promise, I won't cry (for too long). Because Lila and Weronika seemed interested, I'm also including my query (*grimaces--I hate queries). I'm throwing my 2-line pitch in as well, even though I'm pretty convinced that it's, well ... lacking. Lacking what, I'm not sure. But lacking.
Without further ado ...
Dear Mr. or Ms. AGENT:
Most witches have never been immortal, but Drew Cleary is different. Or at least he was, until he got a little too cocky at a high school party and ended the night with a bullet in his chest. Problem is, this wound isn’t healing like it should. When his injury causes him to violate his probation—again—Drew is sentenced to a new town, his tenth-or-so new foster home, and his senior year at BCMI, a school for at-risk teens. BCMI is Drew’s last stop before a jail cell, not to mention a hideout from the people who seem to want him dead. He tries to lay low, but one hasty move exposes him for who he really is—to the girl that he wants to hate but can’t, and to the people he’s been hiding from for months. On his pursuit to take down the people who have set out to hurt him, Drew discovers that everything—and everyone—is not what it seems, a fact which may cost him his power, his heart, and the very mortality he once felt insignificant.
Completed at approximately ___________ words, [insert title] is my third manuscript. I graduated from law school in 2007 and now work as an attorney for the state of Florida. I read and study the young adult fiction market on an ongoing basis, and I have attended several writing workshops. I am currently working on another young adult manuscript.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.
FIRST 200'ISH WORDS
A bullet burns a tree to my left, and bark splinters against my cheek. I hear their feet crunching against brittle leaves, twigs snapping under their weight. They’re closer now.
Another shot grazes my right ear. I reach up a hand, panic numbing my fingertips. My skin comes back clean. No hint of red. No smell of pocket change.
I run a little faster.
Shot number three buries itself in the grass, lost to the clutches of the forest.
The bullets won’t kill me, or at least they shouldn’t. I’d rather not take that chance.
I jump a corroded fence and splash into Cherry Creek. The warm water sloshes against my ankles, coaxing me downstream. The trees are closing in on me now.
I step on something slippery and lose my balance. Air slips through my fingertips as I fall. I land on something sharp, and my ankle twists. Turns. Snaps. Bone is in a place it shouldn’t be, wriggling its way to the surface. I pull myself forward, trudging through mud on my hands and knees, my broken ankle slowing me down. Rocks and tree limbs cut into my skin, sending my blood into the shallow water.
MY PITCH THINGIE:
Drew Cleary is a 17-year-old wiccan who gets sent to a school for at-risk kids as punishment for his latest probation violation. While he’s there, he makes a hasty decision that exposes himself for who he really is—to the girl he wants to hate but can’t, and to the people he’s been hiding from for months. Drew has to find out who to trust, and quick, before he loses everything.
And th- th- th- th- th- th- that's all f- f- f- folks!
Seriously. Tear it up. All of it. No, really. I mean it. :)
p.s. Thank you in advance for ANY comments. I love you all!